THE WELCH COMPANY
440 Davis Court #1602
San Francisco, CA 94111-2496
415 781 5700
S U M M A R Y
DIARY: February 5, 2007 05:37 AM Monday;
Visit Mother and Bob at Cabrillo Care Center in San Luis Obispo.
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0204 - Cabrillo Care Center O-00000870 0706
Mother Passed in Peace Serenity Farewell by Family Friends Cabrillo
0603 - ..
0604 - Summary/Objective
060501 - Follow up ref SDS 34 0000. ref SDS 32 0000.
060503 - Mother died this afternoon. She was with family and friends to bid
060504 - farewell, and see that her parting was peaceful and serene. When we
060505 - arrived at 0930 this morning, mother was sleeping with no signs of
060506 - discomfort. The staff said that blood work ordered last night was
060507 - performed early this morning. ref SDS 0 2T3H Bob arrived an hour
060508 - later. He is ill with flue, and shocked by tragic loss. ref SDS 0
060509 - PQPX Bob decided to defer taking mother to the ER for life support;
060510 - he asked the staff to order another xray test to see if mother can
060511 - recover. ref SDS 0 Y19T Bob assisted the staff tending mother, who
060512 - were very considerate of family concern. ref SDS 0 Y181 Bob asked if
060513 - everyone has been notified. ref SDS 0 Y19S He shared memories of his
060514 - life with mother the past 50 years. ref SDS 0 Y197 Mother had a
060515 - cough, and seemed restless. She opened her eyes briefly, but did not
060516 - speak. The attendant, Kathleen, provided medication for comfort.
060517 - ref SDS 0 Y233 In the afternoon, results of the blood test were
060518 - disappointing. Bob decided to forego additional measures, so that
060519 - mother could leave at her own choosing. ref SDS 0 Y24Y Today brought
060520 - many remembrances of good times during a long and good life.
060521 - ref SDS 0 JY4G Bob suffered mother's parting with dignity and an open
060522 - heart, as his long vigil came to a close. ref SDS 0 264H Near the
060523 - end, goodbys were said to mother. ref SDS 0 PR5P Robin and her
060524 - friend, JR, arrived in the early afternoon. ref SDS 0 O85H Notified
060525 - everyone of todays events. ref SDS 0 PS6P
060527 - [On 070207 notified family and friends. ref SDS 35 0001
060529 - ..
060530 - [On 070207 letter thanking Cabrillo Care Center for good care.
060531 - ref SDS 35 TJ8M
060533 - ..
060534 - [On 070213 background submitted to Reverend Boyd on mother for
060535 - memorial services. ref SDS 36 3N4P
060537 - ..
060538 - [On 070216 Reverend Boyd advised the record was helpful, including
060539 - links with context for making sense of details in relation to the
060540 - larger story. ref SDS 37 F04H
060542 - ..
060543 - [On 070226 Uncle Jim and Aunt Barbara letter remembering mother.
060544 - ref SDS 38 TG6H
060549 - ..
0608 - Progress
060901 - Drove to Cabrillo Care Center in San Luis Obispo.
060903 - Arrived about 0930. Visiting hours started at 1000, but they let us
060904 - in to see Mother.
060906 - ..
060907 - Met Pauline, the section supervisor. Kathleen is the attendant for
060908 - mother.
060910 - ..
060911 - Mother was sleeping restfully. Her breathing seemed fine. She is
060912 - very thin from not eating, as Bob has related, and has been striving
060913 - to improve.
060915 - ..
060916 - Millie used her cell phone to call Bob. He was just leaving home,
060917 - and expected to arrive in about 30 minutes.
060919 - ..
060920 - Pauline said that last night Bob was adament requesting that mother be
060921 - moved to the ER at French hospital a few blocks away for life support
060922 - and in order to ensure there is enough time for additional tests to
060923 - determine prospects for recovery. Pauline asked if Bob still wants
060924 - this done? She said there have been no arrangements for taking mother
060925 - to the ER at French hospital for further care. Pauline indicated the
060926 - oncall doctor and Cabrillo staff decided further life support efforts
060927 - should be confirmed this morning, after Bob talks with the family, and
060928 - considers blood test results, and xrays in consultation with mother's
060929 - doctor on chances of recovery.
060931 - ..
060932 - Pauline advised that blood work was done early this morning. Test
060933 - results will be available soon for Bob and the doctor to evaluate.
060934 - She will contact the doctor for Bob as soon as the blood test report
060935 - is available.
060937 - ..
060938 - Pauline said that xray tests Bob wanted yesterday to evaluate mothers
060939 - breathing and digestion have not been done. Pauline indicated that,
060940 - like the ER life support issue, the oncall doctor referred the matter
060941 - to mother's doctor. Pauline has called mother's doctor to discuss
060942 - Bob's request for further testing today.
060944 - ..
060945 - Pauline and Kathleen were concerned for Bob. They are aware he wants
060946 - mother to recover and come home to continue their life together, and
060947 - that Bob wanted very much for the staff and doctors to do more to help
060948 - mother. They know Robin from her visits, and complimented her efforts
060949 - to assist Bob, and her determiniation that mother be treated with
060950 - dignity in passing, rather than suffer torment of fruitless treatment.
060952 - ..
060953 - Pauline suggested that Bob consider hospice care to assist him at home
060954 - after mother dies. They are professional and very effective helping
060955 - survivors transition to a new life without their partners, including
060956 - providing various levels of home maintenance, and counseling, just
060957 - being a friend.
060959 - ..
060960 - Millie and I walked across the street to a donut shop inside a small
060961 - market. Millie ordered a bagel and milk for herself, and a donut.
060962 - Shared the milk.
060966 - ..
0612 - 1011
061301 - Walked back to Cabrillo Care Center. Bob was pulling into the parking
061302 - lot.
061304 - ..
061305 - Bob still has a very bad cough and congestion from the flu, which he
061306 - has not been able to shake for the past few weeks. Bob went to the
061307 - doctor a few days ago and got a prescription for treatment. He feels
061308 - the treatment has not been very effective. Suggested Bob see the
061309 - doctor again soon.
061311 - ..
061312 - Bob put on a face mask when he entered the Care center, in order to
061313 - avoid infecting residents.
061315 - ..
061316 - We walked through the facility to mother's room. Bob was disappointed
061317 - to learn the xray tests he requested last night, have not yet been
061318 - done, and that the blood test report is not yet available. He was
061319 - worried that delay would prevent treatment in time to save mother.
061320 - Bob did not object that mother had not been moved to the ER, as
061321 - discussed last night, per above, ref SDS 0 2T3H, but he feels tasks
061322 - are not being arranged to help mother quickly enough, if tests show
061323 - she might be able to recover.
061325 - ..
061326 - Bob indicated that he wants mother's doctors and staff to make sure
061327 - that everything has been done that has a chance of helping mother
061328 - recover.
061330 - ..
061331 - When we arrived at mother's room, Bob asked Pauline why xrays have not
061332 - been done, and when the blood test report would be available?
061334 - ..
061335 - Pauline explained again that the oncall doctor referred the matter to
061336 - mother's doctor, and that the oncall doctor approved the xrays.
061337 - Pauline has ordered the mobile xray unit to do the test Bob wants.
061338 - She feels this will happen later today. Bob was frustrated that this
061339 - could not be done sooner, and urged timely action.
061341 - ..
061342 - Upon discussion, Pauline called the mobile xray company. They
061343 - indicated the xray can be done shortly after lunch, maybe about 1330,
061344 - and results should be available shortly after that, possibly by 1500.
061347 - ..
0616 - 1023
061701 - Results of the blood tests are still not available.
061703 - ..
061704 - Pauline will call about availability of the report, per planning
061705 - earlier this morning. ref SDS 0 564L
061707 - ..
061708 - Bob looked at mother, and checked her forehead for temperature. He
061709 - was concerned. Bob adjusted the oxygen content on mother's breathing
061710 - equipment from level 2 to level 3. He commented about having to check
061711 - everything because the staff is not paying close attention to mother's
061712 - needs.
061714 - ..
061715 - The attendant, Kathleen, came by a few minutes later. She explained
061716 - that setting oxygen too high harms the patient. She did a test, and
061717 - determined that mother was getting adequate oxygen, with Sa 02 at 97%.
061718 - Millie has been getting this test with treatment at Kaiser. Millie's
061719 - patient history on 061110 indicates that 97% is a very good test
061720 - result for mother's condition. ref SDS 7 VV4H Kathleen, therefore
061721 - turned the oxygen content back to level 2.
061723 - ..
061724 - Bob tried to rouse mother a few times. Emotions welled up seeing his
061725 - life-partner helpless and drifting quietly away.
061727 - ..
061728 - Bob asked if Eddie was notified. Related discussion last night with
061729 - Kathy and Ed, and that they could not come down today. Bob called
061730 - Jerry a couple times last night, but could not make contact. Bob was
061731 - grateful for Jerry's visit, and for Kathy and Ed coming down 3 weeks
061732 - ago on 070106 when mother was hospitalized, ref SDS 20 0001 Bob told
061733 - Millie that he very much appreciated that she was able to come down
061734 - and be with mother today, setting aside personal infirmities, e.g,,
061735 - meeting at Kaiser on 070105. ref SDS 18 0001 He said that Patty is
061736 - coming up tomorrow, and to be sure and let Julee know about today.
061737 - Bob said that mother was very pleased she could see her grandaughter
061738 - all grown up and making her way in the world, during the visit last
061739 - year on 060325, and that Patty, and Robin had a chance to meet their
061740 - cousin. ref SDS 5 KR9I Mother always liked having her girls with her
061741 - to share time and discuss things.
061743 - ..
061744 - We talked for awhile today about past visits. Mother was elated by so
061745 - many coming to visit Kathleen on 010929, after she got cancer,
061746 - especially Mom Lil, Sally, Marsha and Brien, giving everyone a chance
061747 - to see each other despite years of separate lives. ref SDS 3 0Q7S
061749 - ..
061750 - Bob related understandings of mother's childhood growing up in
061751 - Oklahoma. He and mother took a trip in the early 1970s to the home
061752 - where mother lived, and they visited the school she attended. Bob
061753 - chuckled remembering that mother sat in the chair she had at school 40
061754 - years earlier.
061756 - ..
061757 - Bob said he wished he had written down some of their adventures and
061758 - trips together. He related frustrations remembering only fragments
061759 - here and there over the past 40 years, and not being able recall the
061760 - full story. Bob said they have a lot of pictures, but it is hard to
061761 - remember context that gives pictures meaning to make sense of mere
061762 - moments in time. The correlation between pictures, narrative, and
061763 - context was reviewed on 890523. ref SDS 1 G14K
061765 - ..
061766 - Bob asked Millie if she writes things down like a diary? He noted
061767 - that people watch a lot of television. Enjoyment of stories written
061768 - by others can be increased by the pleasure of jotting down personal
061769 - stories while watching television, but nobody realizes at the time how
061770 - precious human memory becomes weeks, months, years later. About a
061771 - year ago, Millie's daughter, Pam, evidently started wrting things down
061772 - for better memory. Not sure, if this is just things at work. Uncle
061773 - Jim wrote a beautiful story about growing up in Kansas and Montana
061774 - during the 1920s and 30s, and ended when everyone went off to war in
061775 - 1942, as reported on 940907. ref SDS 2 QL8W This inspired adding the
061776 - story of World War II in NWO that pays homage to Bob and mother's
061777 - generation, which produced so many heroic stories at a crucial
061778 - crossroads in history. ref OF 14 GF5H
061780 - ..
061781 - Mother became restless and moved her arms. She was not aware of
061782 - anyone in the room. She opened her eyes for perhaps 15 to 30 seconds
061783 - and looked directly at Millie, and Bob, but did not register
061784 - recognition. Millie said some things, and Bob did too. Mother closed
061785 - her eyes.
061787 - ..
061788 - Mother began coughing and moaning. Coughing tries to clear the
061789 - underlying problem of congestion. She was treated and released for
061790 - this 2 days ago in the hospital. Because her lungs are damanged, the
061791 - problem recurs, and cannot be treated.
061793 - ..
061794 - Talked to Kathleen about giving mother some pain medication to make
061795 - her comfortable.
061797 - ..
061798 - Kathleen brought a syrenge to treat mother with morphine. She noticed
061799 - the syrenge has a needle. She turned and started to leave the room,
061800 - saying the needle needs to be removed, or she needs a different type
061801 - of syrenge, beause mother cannot take more needle penetrations. Since
061802 - mother seemed uncomfortable with coughing and moaning, Kathleen went
061803 - ahead and used the needle syrenge, but by lifting mother's tounge, and
061804 - squirting morphine below her tounge, but without penetration by the
061805 - needle. This quieted mother, and she seemed comforted.
061807 - ..
061808 - Discussed Pauline's idea about Bob requesting hospice care for the
061809 - next few weeks or so.
061811 - ..
061812 - Bob quickly said he does not need it. He has a big brochure at home,
061813 - and has carefully read through the types of hospice care available.
061815 - ..
061816 - Decided to go to lunch, while the xray equipment people get time for
061817 - mother's test.
061821 - ..
0621 - 1130
062201 - Drove into town. Bob insisted on taking separate cars to avoid
062202 - spreading his germs in concentration that could affect Millie, who is
062203 - sensitive while on chemotherapy, begun last Thursday on 060201.
062204 - ref SDS 33 0001 Bob drove ahead. He pointed his finger out the
062205 - window to identify the office where Robin works. Millie remembered
062206 - the store where mother and Bob took us to get an opinion about buying
062207 - the book case they eventually got for the house.
062209 - ..
062210 - Bob took us to a health store of some kind, where they have a lunch
062211 - deli. While we looked over the menu, Bob bought some cough medicine,
062212 - and some dried apricots. The cough drops seemed to work very well,
062213 - ending Bob's strong boughts of coughing.
062215 - ..
062216 - Decided against eating at the deli. Walked over to another place,
062217 - which turned out to be a Carl's Jr. hamburger shop. Millie really
062218 - wanted a regular restaraunt, maybe something like Denny's, Cocco's,
062219 - etc. Bob said he knows a place. We wound up at Frank's, which is a
062220 - hot dog place.
062222 - ..
062223 - The seating was very cramped, and the place soon got crowded. The
062224 - food was very good for hot dots and hamburgers.
062226 - ..
062227 - Robin called during lunch. She was pleased that Millie answered,
062228 - and so was able to make the trip today.
062230 - ..
062231 - Robin was further pleased to learn that Bob is no longer insisting
062232 - that mother be taken back to the ER for continued life support.
062234 - ..
062235 - Robin said that Patty is coming up for a visit to stay with Bob
062236 - beginning tomorrow.
062241 - ..
0625 - 1248
062601 - Arrived back at the Care center. Kathleen said that while we were at
062602 - lunch, mother seemed to begin fading. Results of blood tests taken
062603 - this morning showed that mother is "shutting down." Kathleen called
062604 - Robin to let her know about this change in mother's condition.
062606 - ..
062607 - Bob decided to cancel taking mother to the ER, and to cancel the xray
062608 - which had been ordered earlier. He was beginning to accept this is
062609 - mother's time to "ride on ahead," and that mother deserved to take
062610 - this last journey in her own time.
062612 - ..
062613 - Millie commented that mother would thankfully soon be beyond the pain
062614 - that has wracked her body the past few years, requiring multiple pain
062615 - patches with greater potency, and pain shots that have become less and
062616 - less effective shielding mother from physical torment.
062618 - ..
062619 - Bob said that mother was managing pain well, and that he wanted very
062620 - much for her to recover enough for him to take her home and care for
062621 - her, even in a very infirm condition.
062623 - ..
062624 - Talked about remembrances growing up when mother was with us, and here
062625 - expand a bit on discussion today...
062627 - ..
062628 - About 1948, we lived in Ontario on Acacia Street in a house my dad and
062629 - his brothers built after the war, when they all went into business
062630 - together. At this remove the story is only lore, but mother got mad
062631 - at dad, and took off. Don't really know what happened, but whatever
062632 - it was did not deter dad from pursuing mother and asking her for
062633 - another chance, and then another, and another,...
062635 - [...see below, 20 years later, enroute to war in Vietnam, visited
062636 - Aunt Dorothy who still lived in one of the houses the brothers
062637 - built after world war II ended. ref SDS 0 Y358
062639 - ..
062640 - The brothers then went in separate directions. Uncle Pat and Aunt
062641 - Peggy moved up North to the Bay Area, Palo Alto, I think. Uncle Pat
062642 - stayed in construction, becoming a general contractor for many years.
062643 - Uncle Roy continued to care for grandmother and grandad. They moved
062644 - up North to a home in Saragota. Uncle Roy became plant manager for a
062645 - major juice manufacturer in San Jose. Dad, also, stayed in
062646 - construction. Uncle Roy helped dad get dad a number of contracts
062647 - building additions and repairs at the juice plant. Uncle Jim was
062648 - recalled to duty in the Air Force, as the Korean War escalated. He
062649 - and Aunt Barbara were stationed around the country and in foreign
062650 - lands. Uncle Jim worked in military procurement on major projects
062651 - that remind of the Lieutenant Goldstein story in NWO, and which
062652 - relates how, through the ages, war changes everyones lives.
062653 - ref OF 14 GF5H (see as well for context, ref OF 13 TU3O)
062655 - ..
062656 - So too, mother's life changed radically during the war. Most notably,
062657 - she was married at age 16, and had 6 kids by about age 24.
062659 - [On 070213 background on mother for memorial services. ref SDS 36
062660 - 3N4P
062662 - ..
062663 - Of course, her children can only know fragments of mother's story...
062665 - ..
062666 - One day, I decided to experiment and set a big tubleweed on fire in
062667 - the backyard on Ontario Street. Dad had been burning debris. He
062668 - walked away after the fire was down to embers. I wondered what would
062669 - happen if this giant tumbleweed was pulled onto the embers. Flames
062670 - shot high into the sky, just as I hoped. The fire truck came, and
062671 - afterward dad started teaching me a lesson. My peanut butter sandwich
062672 - went flying and stuck to the ceiling. Mother came to the rescue just
062673 - in time. She wanted to take me to the hospital, but the brothers
062674 - talked her into patching me up, which worked out okay. This was
062675 - before "Time Outs" were discovered, and, today, illustrates stress on
062676 - a 19 or 20 year old girl with a bunch of kids and alot of relatives to
062677 - manage.
062679 - ..
062680 - Mother's mother, Grandmother Baker to us, was with us a lot of the
062681 - time in those days, along with her daugher, Beverely, who was mother's
062682 - sister, but about 14 years younger, and so Bev was more like a big
062683 - sister to us, than an aunt. Grandmother was quite the athlete. All
062684 - of us kids marvelled at her strength and willingness to spend time
062685 - playing games, whereas mother seemed always to be sick. Now of
062686 - course, it seems likely that mother was always pregnant with six kids,
062687 - and grandmother was there to help her daughter.
062689 - ..
062690 - Bev later would become Robin's mother, but in those very early years
062691 - we all played on dad's construction sand pile in the backyard. There
062692 - is a great picture of grandmother wearing a bathing suit in front of
062693 - this sand pile. She must have been about 35, and looked 20.
062695 - ..
062696 - Our house was on part of a big lot owned by grandmother (my dad's
062697 - mom), and grandad, and maybe Uncle Roy (dad's brother). They lived in
062698 - the "big house," There was another small house on the same property
062699 - between the "big house," and our house. Different relatives lived
062700 - there at different times. Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Kenneth, and their
062701 - two daughters, Judy and Linda lived there for awile. Later or before,
062702 - not sure which, Uncle Jim and Aunt Barbara with their kids, Rita and
062703 - Jimmy may have lived there, or maybe just stayed there enroute to a
062704 - duty station, since Uncle Jim was called back into the Air Force.
062705 - What I remember most fondly is that we often all ate dinner together
062706 - in the "big house." The women helped grandmother cook, and then clean
062707 - up. The men talked about the world's problems, and us kids explored
062708 - and got into trouble.
062710 - ..
062711 - Grandad had a chicken ranch on the property, so we helped harvest
062712 - eggs, and saw how they killed chickens for dinner. That was an eye
062713 - opener. I'm still not a big fan of chicken. Also we built forts in
062714 - unused parts of the chicken coops. It was a great place to be too
062715 - little to be expected to work hard, and yet still have a lot of
062716 - adventures. There were grapefruit trees in front. Granddad also had
062717 - a job delivering cookies from a baker to grocery stores. He took me
062718 - on his route a few times which was a great adventure for 3 - 4 year
062719 - old.
062721 - ..
062722 - Our cousin Linda was the leader of the pack among all us kids during
062723 - our time on Acacia Street. She taught us how to use a trailer like a
062724 - teeter totter. Several of us would climb up and stand on the trailer
062725 - hitch, and when it tilted to the ground, we would jump off, causing a
062726 - big noise as the hitch would crash back to the ground. Very important
062727 - achievement for 3 and 4 year olds. Linda was probably 8 at that time.
062728 - We also had a big tire swing hung from a giant oak. We tried our best
062729 - to break it by seeing how many of us could climb on the tire at the
062730 - same time. Somehow nobody got hurt.
062732 - ..
062733 - We lived next in Whittier. Mother got me a tinker toy set for
062734 - Christmas, but dad spent most of the time building things with it.
062735 - Mother also took me to school my first day of kindergarten. Bev, Kath
062736 - and I used to go to a park within walking distance of home. One day
062737 - we got into a contest to see who could kick their leg highest. We
062738 - used a tape measure to make things official, and everyone joined in.
062739 - Mother won the contest, when dad slipped and fell. That was a hoot in
062740 - the days before television.
062742 - ..
062743 - One year mother moved out and this time took us kids with her to
062744 - grandmother's. This seemed like another adventure. I had frequent
062745 - ear aches in those days. One day everyone went shopping or to the
062746 - movies, and I was left alone with a heating pad. The only thing to
062747 - eat were some sunflower seeds. Eating one then two, they tasted
062748 - pretty good. I ate the whole sack and got terribly sick. To this
062749 - day, the mere thought of sunflower seeds makes me nauseous.
062751 - ..
062752 - There was a big patch of lawn surrounded by tall trees at this place
062753 - where grandmother and Beverly lived. Beverly was mom's younger sister
062754 - by about 12 years, and so was closer to our age at that time. "Mother
062755 - May I" was Bev's favorite game. She taught the meaning of "strict
062756 - interpretation." Bev especially liked saying "No, you may not! You
062757 - may take 5 giant steps back."
062759 - ..
062760 - There was a kind of junk yard in the back of this place. A rusted 50
062761 - gallon drum was more or less full of water from rain. Might have
062762 - started out with some oil or other petroleum based product mixed in.
062763 - All of the kids in the neighborhood would throw stuff in this drum,
062764 - because it got to the point of being bubling and dangerous, which is a
062765 - big attraction for youngsters to see how bubling and dangerous we
062766 - could make it by adding anything and everything from half eaten
062767 - sandwiches, to glue, cokes, lighter fluid, anything.
062769 - ..
062770 - This came to a head one day when some of this stuff got on Eddie. He
062771 - might have been 2 or 3, and maybe threw a coke bottle into the barrel,
062772 - causing a splash. To this day, he still has a mark on his leg I think
062773 - caused by that one small splash of concoction.
062775 - ..
062776 - We moved to El Monte, I think on East Bryant street. There was a big
062777 - oak tree on our property, but the limbs were too high for climbing up.
062778 - There was an even bigger oak across the street at our friends house
062779 - Butch and Leon, and it was great fun to climb up high to see how far
062780 - into the distance. As all kids do, we played baseball in the street.
062781 - One day, David was the catcher, and got too close to the batter, or
062782 - maybe the bat just slipped from Eddie's hands, and hit Dave in the
062783 - head. We figured, that since Eddie was pretty small, maybe 3 or 4,
062784 - David couldn't have been hit hard enough to cause much damage. Mother
062785 - rushed Dave to the hospital, and the doctor said he would be okay.
062786 - Naturally, we were banned from playing baseball, which lasted about a
062787 - week.
062789 - ..
062790 - I think Jerry was born when we lived on East Bryant. Mother was
062791 - always tired, and wanted us kids to take naps so she could rest. Kids
062792 - that age, 5 - 8, hated to take naps, so this caused conflicts. I
062793 - remember though that mother was very caring, and was always worried
062794 - about us eating well, being clean, and well dressed, and doing our
062795 - school work. Managing a home, with five kids with another on the way
062796 - was a lot of responsiblity for a 21 year old.
062798 - ..
062799 - We were old enough by then to realize that mother and dad had a lot of
062800 - arguments. but we could not understand what was being disputed.
062801 - Kathleen was older and may have realized that things were not right
062802 - between mother and dad.
062804 - ..
062805 - We lived in Sunnyvale about 1953, near the Westinghouse factory, and
062806 - the Libby food processing plant. Dad was working on construction
062807 - assignments in Arizona. He told us it was so hot that a tire melted
062808 - on his truck driving to Arizona. By this time I was bigger, and
062809 - probably more than a young woman of 21 could handle, along with 5
062810 - others, so I was always on report when dad got home. Mother, Kath,
062811 - and Steph would lock me out of the house. Of course this increased
062812 - wonderment about what might be going on that I was missing out on.
062813 - Got so that when dad would arrive back after a few weeks or a month in
062814 - Arizona, I would run out and greet him, and say I would see him in the
062815 - woodshed. He asked what I had done, and I would have no idea, but
062816 - there must be something.
062818 - ..
062819 - When home, dad used to give us all 50 cents to go to the movies on
062820 - weekends. This was a great treat. It cost 25 cents for admission to
062821 - see 2 or 3 movies and bunchof cartoons. Cokes cost a nickle, so there
062822 - was still enough for a hot dog, or popcorn, but not both. We could
062823 - walk from the house to the movies in downtown Sunnyvale, about a mile
062824 - away, and the route went along railroad tracks to service Westinghouse
062825 - and the Libby plant. Seeing older kids, we learned the excitement of
062826 - putting rocks on the tracks and watching trains roll through and crush
062827 - the rocks. Occasionaly we would put a penny or a dime on the track
062828 - and then retrive a flattened coin, which somehow had greater value
062829 - than the actual coin, even though we couldn't spend it.
062831 - ..
062832 - There was another split up, and another reconciliation, eventually in
062833 - Rancho Rincanoda near San Jose. Of course another battle ensued.
062834 - Mother wanted Dad to buy me a baseball mit for little league. Dad
062835 - said the family budget could not afford it; that he walked 40 miles to
062836 - school in 20 feet of snow, as a boy, and that he didn't have a
062837 - baseball mit, etc. I assured mom, that I could beg, borrow, or steal
062838 - a mit, but she kept putting it on a shopping list, and dad kept
062839 - crossing it off, cascading into a battle of wills beyond the merits of
062840 - childhood play. Mother told dad a few dollars could be saved from the
062841 - weekend movie fund to buy a mit, or there wouldn't be a reason to send
062842 - the kids to the movies. Years later it made more sense why I got the
062843 - mit, and a little league career blossomed.
062845 - ..
062846 - One day Jerry, who was about 3 years old, got excited by something on
062847 - television, maybe cartoons, like Howdy Doody, Casper the Ghost, the
062848 - Road Runner, something. He took off jumping up and down, like what he
062849 - saw on television, and ran from the living room to his bedroom, but
062850 - mis-judged things and smacked his head on the door jamb, knocking
062851 - himself out. Mom rushed Jerry to the doctor, and he came through
062852 - another close call, like David a few years earlier.
062854 - ..
062855 - Eventually, we got into a mode, where mother moved back to Southern
062856 - California, and came to visit for a day once or twice a year. Some
062857 - years not all of us were available on visits, which probably hurt mom
062858 - a lot. Kids growing up in high school get separate agendas that seem
062859 - more important at the time than visiting with mother.
062861 - ..
062862 - Kath got old enough to be on her own. She spent more time with mother
062863 - and Bob. Stephanie followed a few years later. This produced strong
062864 - bonds for many decades between mother and daughters. They became
062865 - great pals. One year we all met in San Francisco for dinner at
062866 - Fisherman's Wharf, and then went to the Japanese Gardens.
062868 - ..
062869 - When I was drafted into the service, we had a good visit with Mother
062870 - and Bob for a few days layover enroute to Vietnam, probably in 1968.
062871 - Aunt Barbara and Rita were with us. Mother drove everyone from Rita's
062872 - home in San Diego to visit Aunt Dorothy, I believe at her home in
062873 - Ontario, which was one of the projects the brothers built in the
062874 - construction business after the war. ref SDS 0 Y343 By then in 1968
062875 - Uncle Kenneth had died, but it was wonderful to see that home we had
062876 - visited so many times while growing up 15 years earlier, when we all
062877 - lived in Ontario.
062879 - ..
062880 - Millie joined the family in the early 80s. She was an instant
062881 - favorite of Mother and Bob. We did not visit frequently; usually
062882 - several times a year. It was a great delight to meet Robin probably
062883 - in about 1985. On the first visit, we learned of Robin's creativity
062884 - with elaborate dinners and excellent cusine.
062886 - ..
062887 - In those years, Bob was biking. He was quite an athlete. Bob took
062888 - long rides along the coast route to San Diego. We were all in pretty
062889 - good shape in those days. Millie and I were running and playing
062890 - tennis. Mother was the "queen" of shopping malls, passing along her
062891 - delight to her girls, Kathleen, Stephanie, Robin, and later Millie,
062892 - and then grandaughters Patty, and Jennifer. Mother and Bob loved
062893 - their dogs, Leopold and Rougie, who were champions at shows. Raising
062894 - and training their dogs, and vacationing and traveling to Hawaii, Las
062895 - Vegas, and all around the country forged lasting bonds between mother
062896 - and Bob.
062898 - ..
062899 - When Bob and mother moved to Nipomo about 6 years ago, mother began
062900 - experiencing pain from osteroposis, which afflicted her own mother.
062901 - Millie and I visited more often, and got to know more about issues of
062902 - emotional pain. Robin has been the steady hand to help guide them
062903 - through, and Patty and Pablito have been stellar support. Mother
062904 - suffered loss of her two daughters, but came through with help from
062905 - Bob, Robin, and Patty.
062907 - ..
062908 - Mother was especially pleased to have family gather whom she had not
062909 - seen for many years, despite sad occassions of memorial services for
062910 - Stephanie, and then for Kathleen a few years later. At this time, she
062911 - reconnected with Uncle Jim and Aunt Barbara, and then kept in touch
062912 - with Aunt Barbara remembering their time together during the war
062913 - years. Before us kids were in the picture, Aunt Barbara spent a lot
062914 - of time with mother and dad, and the two young women where great pals,
062915 - while Uncle Jim was off fighting the war, and dad was working long
062916 - hours at Lockheed building planes to carry on the fight.
062918 - ..
062919 - With all of this history, Bob has suffered the most the past few
062920 - months fighting to sustain the love of his life, with thoughts soaring
062921 - and memories colliding, while witnessing time slip inexorably and at
062922 - last from mother's grasp.
062924 - ..
062925 - Today, Millie sat in a chair next to mother, and Bob sat in a wheel
062926 - chair at the foot of the bed. He talked some more to mother, calling
062927 - her "Dorothy Way," which is a name only her close family uses. He
062928 - asked mother if she wanted her bed elevated. Mother could not answer.
062929 - She was breathing through her mouth, and with increasing difficulty.
062930 - Mother's eyes were open, but there was no indication she was seeing
062931 - anything.
062933 - ..
062934 - Bob said he has a lot of pictures and personal affects of mother,
062935 - which he does not want to keep. He has talked to Patty and Robin
062936 - about going through mother's things and taking what they want.
062938 - ..
062939 - Bob raised mother's bed so she was sitting more verticle, thinking
062940 - this might help her breathing. It compressed her diaphram, which made
062941 - breathing harder, so he lowered the tilt slightly. He got a pillow
062942 - and placed it next to the railing in case she slipped sideways.
062946 - ..
0632 - 1332
063301 - Millie put her hand around mother's head, and leaned over to wisper
063302 - love and farewell. She kissed mother several times, and finally said
063303 - goodby. Millie hugged and kissed Bob.
063305 - ..
063306 - Robin and JR arrived, after getting Kathleen's call earlier.
063307 - ref SDS 0 Y24Y
063309 - ..
063310 - She was very pleased again that Millie was able to make the trip
063311 - today.
063313 - ..
063314 - We spoke briefly, and hugged. Robin was emotional at this point.
063318 - ..
0636 - 1910
063701 - Arrived home. There was a call from Bob that mother died today at
063702 - 1400.
063704 - ..
063705 - Millie was very emotional about the day. She called friends and
063706 - explained everything to all of them, including her friend in Chicago,
063707 - Marilyn, Janna, Chris at work, and others. Provides a good release.
063732 - ..
0640 - 2106
064101 - Called Robin.
064103 - Left a message thanking her and JR for being there for Bob.
064107 - ..
0644 - 2114
064501 - Called Kathy and Ed. Talked to Kathy, and explained that Mother
064502 - died. Explained some of the details.
064505 - ..
0648 - 2124
064901 - Called Bob.
064903 - Thanked Bob for calling. He was not aware that we visited with Robin
064904 - and JR in the parking lot, when they arrived.
064906 - ..
064907 - He sounded very calm and was not coughing like earlier today.
064909 - ..
064910 - Robin, JR, and Vickey came over to Bob's house for several hours this
064911 - evening. They looked at pictures, and talked about Bob's life with
064912 - mother.
064914 - ..
064915 - Bob said that Patty is expected to arrive tonight about 0100. Very
064916 - pleased that Patty is stepping up to help Bob, especially after their
064917 - tiff last month.